(Cell in Bangkok airport where I spent a night and written this)

I’ve been speeding so fast, doing too much, thinking way too big that only times like these that I could allow my mind to slow down and carefully inspect myself.

At 32, the feeling of being always in-transit is finally nested permanently in my head.

Temporariness & uncertainty.

Funny thing also that it is not JUST about places and geographical area but also this urging need to fulfil myself in anything (read: nothing). Nothing is ever calming and satisfying, rarely something “normal” can make me feel normal. I need that constant high. It is too painful at times.

Worse is, things that usually keep me in check are not reliable anymore – its not about money (so much easier if this is about it), career, work, acknowledgement or anything. The scary part, there is no clear form of measurement of these insecurities.

I want to feel alive. I NEED to feel alive. Life is such lonely place, i wish i can be somewhere else.

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